The Surprising Call to Long Obedience
I had a lot of time to think, pray and contemplate this month, in a wide array of locations. Vacation took me to a rooftop deck in Jersey City, NJ while visiting our daughter Dana, son-in-law Ted and first grandchild, Ellie Anne! (Just ask, I can send you hundreds of pictures). A train enroute to Philadelphia for an evening with friend Ray Garcia and wife Michelle. A 20-minute bus ride going to NYC from Jersey to visit son Jesse and wife Anna in Manhattan. A couple runs around Lake Union in Seattle while seeing son Nick and wife Jenny. A long bike ride on Whidbey Island off Seattle, and several days of deck time at an Airbnb watching bald eagles, osprey, deer and rabbits cavorting near the beach. It’s been a very good month for pondering.
One morning, Anne and I had devotions over coffee on the deck. The liturgy we used called for a reading from the gospels…any reading. Rather randomly I turned to Mark 5. The whole story of the demon-possessed man seemed too long, so I truncated it to the very end of the story, after Jesus healed the poor guy by casting out the demon(s):
“As Jesus was getting into the boat, the man who had been demon-possessed begged to go with him. Jesus did not let him, but said, “Go home to your own people and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you.” So the man went away and began to tell in the Decapolis how much Jesus had done for him. And all the people were amazed.”
I was amazed that I’d never really heard it like this before. Did you notice? Jesus turned down a request from someone who simply wanted to be with him. Jesus TURNED DOWN a request from someone who wanted to stay close to him. What?! Maybe the guy was incredibly eager to learn from Jesus. Maybe he wanted to become the 13th disciple. Would Jesus really turn him down? Can he do that? Apparently, yes. As good as the request was, as pleased as Jesus must have been at the man’s motivation…Jesus had something else in mind. There was a calling (to share the gospel in his neighborhood) that was more important than the man’s spontaneous desire to physically be with his new Lord.
These days, we hear an awful lot about how important it is to know our own hearts, listen to our own feelings, and act accordingly. We have quoted (one of my very favorite authors) Frederick Buechner until we know it by heart: “Your vocation in life is where your greatest joy meets the world’s greatest need.” But what if…that’s not right? Or at least, not always right? What if sometimes what we think is our greatest joy doesn’t line up with God’s expressed desire? What if the demon-free man in the story thought being with Jesus was the best thing in the universe, but Jesus didn’t think that?
Is it possible that my perception of joy, the felt desire of my heart, is something less than that? Perhaps when the Psalmist says, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4),” it really is more about the need for God to implant his desires in me than about me presenting mine. I know myself well enough at this point to realize that my deep desires are not always from God. If my yearning doesn’t line up with God’s will, then for the 10,000th time it seems to come down to this: whose desire carries more weight here? Mine, or the Lord’s? Just naming Jesus as “the Lord” seems to answer the question. Jesus’ lordship always takes me to this point: will I be obedient…or not? Obedience isn’t a particularly popular word, of course. It sometimes requires blind trust, a suppression of my own preferences and a heart that will live obedience out joyfully and not begrudgingly. None of these are found in bestselling self-help books as good life strategies.
I started to think back through some of the major decisions Anne and I have made in life. Counting the call away from a business career toward seminary in our mid-thirties, we’ve made five big moves. To be honest, none of them ever felt like they were our choice, our carefully planned and executed decision that expressed the desire of our heart or even the known needs of the world. They felt like distinct calls, which left us in the place of choosing obedience or not. The train pulled up, the door opened, the conductor motioned us in and we looked at each other, nodded and jumped in to see where the ride took us. In our case, Princeton, Minneapolis, Seattle, Los Angeles, Santa Rosa. In every case, it seemed like our greatest joy developed in living out the call, not choosing it. In every case, I could have provided you with plenty of reasons why the move was not a good idea.
I’m not setting myself up as a hero. I’ve missed God’s prompts plenty of times and followed my heart’s desire on my own. I’m grateful that most of those haven’t turned into major train wrecks. And plenty of times, my heart’s desire HAS lined up with the Lord’s voice, which makes for a much easier obedience.
I get the privilege of being in contact with a fair number of younger pastors. I’ve watched in awe as friends have responded to God’s call to dying churches that need help ending well. Or to a part-time call when a full-time one was the original assumption. Or to serving two small churches at once. Or to moving a family across the country. Or to pastoring around college campuses or returning to youth ministry after decades of serving a congregation. None of these seemed to line up with their heart’s desire, at least not at first. Usually, it was a step of obedience that came after an original prayer that said “God, please call me to a diverse, healthy church in a safe neighborhood that is financially stable and has lots of potential. Call me there, Lord, and I’ll pack the truck.” When that was left unanswered, my friends found the obedience question still in front of them. It’s rarely an easy question.
The truly fun part of the Mark 5 story is that when Jesus says “no” to the man’s desires and gives him a different assignment, the guy actually goes and does it. He obeys. He tells people back in his neighborhood, sometimes the very hardest people to reach with the gospel, about the mercy shown to him by his Lord Jesus. And they are all amazed. Me too.
Peace of Christ,
Dan Baumgartner
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Dan Baumgartner is the senior pastor at The Cove in Santa Rosa CA and serves as Secretary on The Fellowship Community Board.